Guest Post Intro
Our goal here at Life with the Little people is to support moms everywhere through inspiring stories and our own life’s journey. That’s why it’s my great pleasure to introduce today’s guest author Lois Pearson who visits us from her blog: The Sunnyside Woman. As both a biological and adoptive mother, Lois has a unique perspective on motherhood and the grace needed to do it successfully. I hope you enjoy reading her post and visiting her lovely blog.
I’ll Say to the Darkness, “You Do Not Own Me!”
Two years ago my family went through a really hard time.
Our 14-year-old son, adopted when he was a toddler and diagnosed through the years with trauma, autism, an anxiety disorder, and depression, was living in a way that was really out of control.
Due to lots of unhealthy thinking and risky behavior choices, he was constantly angry and defiant. Adolescence and the middle school years can be tough for any kid, but when you mix in mental health issues, you might just have a time bomb on your hands.
We were fortunate that he did not get into alcohol, smoking, or drugs. But there are plenty of other temptations out there. And I am not exaggerating when I say that he was a walking time bomb. To say we were walking on egg shells is a complete understatement. It took next to nothing for him to rage. It was often directed at my husband or me. We’ve been told that probably that was because he loved us and trusted that we wouldn’t leave him.
I know that is supposed to be a good thing, the fact that he trusted us and had that confidence in us, but most days, in the middle of a rage, it didn’t feel like a very good thing.
My primary concern during those rages was not only our other kids’ safety but also his own. His behaviors were very impulsive and out of control. He said hateful things and the energy that coursed through his body was volcanic and very unpredictable. Something had infected his mind and it burned within him.
Thankfully, he really didn’t want to harm any of us. It really wasn’t us at all. Regardless, the spew was always directed at us.
And then the day came when we could no longer protect him.
His behaviors were beyond what we could manage within the home. He made choices that, in our minds, were unthinkable. We were forced, however, to start thinking about them.
He had broken the law. And it was no longer just about him. He was taken from our home the very next day. We were told by many that he would never come back into our home to live. That possibility devastated Don and I. We have always been all about our family, and now our family was painfully broken.
Over the days and weeks that followed, Don and I visited our son as often as we could, as often was allowed. His long term placement took him to a center 150 miles away from our home. We made the 6 hour round trip weekly, sometimes twice a week.
Those visits were a blessing. But they were hard.
It was always wonderful to see him, to give him a hug, to try to laugh together.
But he had a great deal of anger and sadness, frustration, and confusion that he was working through. And beyond the support, we really couldn’t help him.
As a parent, it is hard to watch your child struggle and not be able to help. But Don and I never gave up hope. We believed that God intended to restore our family. We prayed and we had many, many people praying for us, for him, and for our family to be restored. We did everything we could to help our son believe that too.
We prayed as Psalm 103: 2 – 4 teaches.
“Bless the Lord, O my soul,
And forget not all His benefits:
Who forgives all your iniquities,
Who heals all your diseases,
Who redeems your life from destruction,
Who crowns you with lovingkindness and tender mercies”
He had and our family had so much more life to live together. It was during those visits that we started talking about living in the light. We tried to get him to believe in the beauty of a life in the light. A life where there is no shame or darkness.We talked about a life with God that is valued far beyond our sins and our mistakes.
We so desperately wanted him to understand that a defiant, angry life was not the life God wanted for him. And to understand that a dishonest life, one lived in hiding, was instead, a life lived in darkness. For the Bible teaches, that it is never too late to follow Jesus and live in the light, “For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Walk as children of light” (Ephesians 5:8).
And together, it is never too late to move beyond the darkness of the past, for “. . . if we walk in the light as He is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus Christ His Son cleanses us from all sin.” (1 John 1:7).
Fast forward two years….
Living Life in the Light is now our family mantra. For me, it has become very personal. It takes me back to those very hard times. And each and every day, it connects me with my God.
For me, living life in the light is a way of life that focuses on hope, and it helps me make better choices. Just the other day I was listening to Big Daddy Weave’s CD, Beautiful Offerings. The song “I Belong to God” came on and worshipfully, I sang out the words:
I belong to God; I belong to Jesus.
Saved by your power and bought with your blood.
I’ll say to the darkness, You do not own me anymore.
Oh no, I belong to God!
And that is what I believe about living in the light. The darkness of the world does not own me. I belong to God. I belong to the bright and positive side of living in fellowship with a God that loves me for who I am.
I belong to a God that gave my family hope when so many in this world had no hope for us. I belong to a God that works outside of the limited worldly ways. Amen! I belong to God!
Our oldest son did come home. He is home to stay. In four days less than a year, he moved home. Every day he works at making a new life for himself. He struggles, as we all do. But he is trying to live in the light, and I praise God.
Meet Lois Pearson
Hi, I’m Lois! I am a mid 50’s wife and mom who is striving to do the best I can for myself, my family, and my God. My goal daily is to choose life on the sunny side! You can read more about me, my life’s journey, and how God has blessed me. If you enjoyed this post, you might also like to read My Personal Adoption Story which was featured recently on the blog.